What I did this summer!

At my summer camp experience at the Nebraska Center for the Education of Children who are Blind or Visually Impaired (NCECBVI), a very talented 16 year old student and I reworked an old Beach Boys tune and recapped our adventures at camp. Watch it now!

Here it is!

I check my favorite blogs everyday and get so sad when they are the same as when I checked before. Then I thought, will anyone read mine if I don't post a doggone thing? So here is my latest post. Enjoy!

new experience

I am working on a degree to teach blind or visually impaired students. I have worked in the area of special education for more than 15 years. I been working with deaf and hard of hearing students for a long time. I am sensitive to the needs of those with disabilities. I am politically correct not for the political reasons of it, but for the human needs of it.

I had a new experience today. I am attending a workshop and the presenter is himself deaf and blind. His teaching environment was too dark, so they brought in extra powerful lights. Well, since my eye surgery in the spring, I have light sensitivity in my vision. While the lights were accommodating for the presenter, they were blinding to me. I got repositioned in the back hallway of the room. I felt so dis-connected with the group being shoved off to "crip corner".

My question today is how can we accommodate everyone. I (selfishly) feel his need for more light is the same as my need for less light. We can't be in the same room. He is a presenter and I am a learner. I guess he wins today.

How can I learn from this experience and apply it to my profession?

I welcome your comments.

Driving down the highway...

Here is a recent question from Sophie. "Momma, is that a police car or a pizza delivery car?"

Gotta love it!

snap, crackle, pop

My daughter learned to snap her fingers. She has been trying for a few years. I keep telling her it is a 6 year old thing. At the ripe old age of 5 1/2, she figured it out. She feels so smart. Her imaginary brother, David, is so jealous! You should hear the conversations they have about it in the backseat of the car.

I wish I had...

I wish I had a computer (blackberry with internet?) with me all the time. My little one experienced the need for emergency surgery last Sunday and as we phoned rellies to discuss the diagnosis, they all got on line and looked up the information. I did not have that luxury and frankly was a little jealous. The hospital communicated clearly however and that real people contact was very nice as well.

What do you wish you had?

friday five

1. If you knew that you had only one day left to live, what would you do for the 24 hours?

Once a friend said she would sit at a table drinking hot cocoa with her mom. I like that idea. I would want to talk to as many friends as I had energy for. Part of me would like to curl up with a meaningful book, but I think being with people would be better. Wouldn't it be nice if we really had a choice!

2. Do you think that life has meaning?

With no doubt.

3. What was your favorite childhood toy/object, or some of your favourites?
(Remember childhood according to the United Nations is anywhere from 0-18 years, so this is a fairly broad span of time).

I still like my yellow pet bunny I slept with until my own child confiscated it for her own. I believe like the Velveteen Rabbit, he is real. His name is Josh.

4. When you clasp your hands, do you put your right thumb over your left thumb, or your left thumb over your right thumb?

My left thumb goes over my right.

5. If you had to teach the most ignorant person on earth the most difficult thing you have ever learned, how would you go about doing it?

I think I do this everyday. I would find what would make it meaningful to the person and try to connect. What is my goal here? Why does my most difficult thing need to be shared with this person? Can I make it funny? Oh so many more questions than answers. Wait, this may be my most difficult thing to answer!

Friday Five

Part of the Ascension Day Scripture from Acts 11 contains this promise from Jesus;

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Then he was taken from their sight into the clouds, two angels appeared and instructed the probably bewildered disciples to go back to Jerusalem, where they began to wait and to pray for the gift Jesus had promised.

Prayer is a joy to some of us, and a chore to others, waiting likewise can be filled with anticipation or anxiety....

So how do you wait and pray?

1. How do you pray best, alone or with others?
I pray best alone, but have to admit I can be eloquent when I pray aloud in a corporate worship. In that sense I often wonder about the sincerity of the prayer when I am trying to be eloquent. I wonder that about others too, so I become cynical.

2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety?
I think I am pretty good at waiting and love surprises so the anticipation is great for me in most things.

3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise?
Still am. But I won't tell, the anticipation is wonderful.

4. Do you prefer stillness or action?
I prefer to be busy. But I do enjoy the moments of solitude when I sit, listen, enjoy my surroundings. I love sitting at a lake, in a canoe, reading a book and floating. I am busy with reading but still on the water. I love being on a mountain skiing down and stop to enjoy the view. I am busy skiing but still in the moment.

5. If you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to recieve?
Patience. I don't ever ask for it as it makes me crazy to want it right now, but if I could be even better at patience, I would notice.

(quotations and questions borrowed from a blog I love to read: http://lutheranchiklworddiary.blogspot.com/)

Movin' Out

I just now returned from seeing the smash hit broadway show, "Movin' Out". Concept by Twyla Tharp and Musical score by Billy Joel. I only have three things to say. O M G!!!
Theeeeee BEST show I have seen in my life. (I may have said that about Les Mis also at one time, too different to compare.) Put it on your highly recommended list and see it when you have the opp.

out of the mouths...

I have been paying Weight Watchers for about 2 years. I did really good at first then sort of got lazy. I still go to meetings and occasionally follow the program. A few days ago I was having trouble buttoning my jeans and said to my daughter, "Oh, dear, mommy is fat again." To which my daughter replied, "Well, you should start paying attention in your meetings."

Okie dokie then!

bumper sticker

I saw a bumper sticker today that read:
Come over to the dark side, we have cookies.

I saw another one the other day I like a lot:
If you're going through hell . . . keep going!

Our response

I was given the honor of assisting with the distribution of Holy Communion this morning. I take that role really seriously. I stood there, holding the chalice, and saying the words,"THIS IS THE BLOOD OF CHRIST, SHED FOR YOU!"

It's a big deal, don't you think. THIS ... the cup of wine, grape juice, koolaid, whatever; IS ...most definitely, without doubt; THE BLOOD OF CHRIST... the blood of Christ (wow!); SHED... pierced, stabbed, poked, whipped, hung, given in love; FOR YOU... me, you, my friend, my enemy, my child, my spouse, my colleague, my partners in worship.

What should our response be? To walk away with our head bowed reverently? Maybe. To say, "Amen"? Maybe. To say, "Thank you"? Maybe. To whoop and holler and say YIPPEE! That's more like it.

At camp we used to squeel Whoo Hoo! I hope I live that way. And not just the few Sundays a month we celebrate the sacrament on a formal level.

You Know Who I am Talking about...

not enough caramel for this apple

A few weeks ago in the children's message, the pastor asked a typical question and one of the youngsters gave a typical answer. Pastor replied, "ah, you are thinking like a modern day Christian." But back in the day (I am paraphrasing now) the people who surrounded Jesus were thinking. . . .

So last Sunday, in his grown up message he refered to Jesus, and our sins being forgiven, etc. And I got to thinking. . . If this is a part of the 'modern day Christian thinking', then what were they thinking when Jesus said "your sins are forgiven". Did they get that? I know it made them mad, but wouldn't it be sort of mystical? Did they walk around talking about sin, and forgiveness, that it was something in the forefront of their minds to actually make them mad?

I guess I better do some Biblical study on this or I can wait for a few comments to help me put this in my brain.

New experiences

I just finished an incredible week in Nebraska City working with students with vision impairments working on my student teaching. All of it was wonderful.

The best part was the feeling of confidence, competence, and affirmations.

I have been in my job so long, I think I have forgotten to look for the things I do well. I am so comfortable that I have not tried so much new stuff to feel rejuvenated and challenged.

My new challenge will be to treat my co-workers as I have been treated this week to share the feelings.

coffee with a friend

Don't you think we could get rid of the whole therapist/counselor thing if we just sat down once in a while and had coffee with a friend? My mom believes she can solve any problem with prayer to God. I believe that is true, but I like a head nod or a "Yeah but" once in awhile. I need that person feed back and a hug to go with it. We should all just take a little time out from our busy-ness and sit down with a friend and discuss what is going on. It'll make our world a better place.

Choose your weapon.

Back to the therapist to tell her she is full of bunk. I cannot be at peace with all of my emotions when many of them are not peaceful. What do I do with my feelings when they are angry, sad, disappointed and disgust? I tend to cry. Actually, I am really good at crying. I just need new tools so I have a bigger arsenol to choose from when crying isn't the best option.

Another perspective

One of my students was talking with one of my associates. The conversation went something like this:
Student: Do you have any kids?
Staff: Yes, I have 3.
Student: What are their names?
(she listed them)
Student: What are their last names?
Staff: The same as mine (she told him).
Student: All three of them have the same last name?

Isn't that interesting that that was his concern? He then went on to tell all the last names of all the kids in his house.

Of Course She Is.

Yesterday when I picked up Sophie from school she told her teacher excitedly, "Hey Mr. Jeff, guess what we are doing tonight? We get to go see Shauna's new baby Everett!" Mr Jeff replied, "Who is Shauna?" Sophie looked at me, then at Mr. Jeff and said, "The baby's mommy!"

Duh!

Yeah, right

So, I went to my regular therapist yesterday and I learned a few interesting things. The grief I thought looked a lot like depression, was just that, not grief at all. I learned that I have been suppressing my emotions for awhile (not new news) and the sadness I was feeling after the funeral was a sort of "leak". Once I opened the flood gates, I couldn't stop them. I now have a new mantra written on my bathroom mirror in lipstick:
I am peaceful with all my emotions; I love and approve of myself.

Then I went to Ash Wednesday service last night and the liturgy spoke to that very theme. The hymn "Just As I Am" was sung and 3 verses especially stuck with me.

Just as I am, without one plea,
But that thy blood was shed for thee
And that thou bidd'st me come to thee
O Lamb of God I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am; thy love unknown
Has broken every barrier down;
Now to be thine, yea, thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Here is also the confession that spoke to me:

God of Goodness and Grace, You have made us better than we dare to allow ourselves to be! You have made us to be in perfect communion with you; but we want to have a private space - private even from you! When we look to separate ourselves from you, we will by definition be sinning. Help us to realize that; so that we can repent of the desire to place space between You and us! As we learn about your Love for us, enable us to let You into our lives all the time! Or, more accurately, allow us to see that You are with us always, - even in those places and times where we think we have separated from You! AMEN!

I seek to be in communion with God all the time. I was given the directive to do 4 things:
1. repeat mantra as needed
2. feel all I am feeling and don't suppress it
3. make lists in my journal of the things I like and don't like and make them so
4. treat myself periodically, make an envelope for "A beautiful woman" and put cash in it periodically to treat myself as needed.

I tried really hard today and all I got was a Migraine. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Grief

Grief looks a lot like depression. I have battled depression and the feelings of sadness, anxiety and the need to self medicate with donuts is uncomfortable at best. It is always a bit embarrassing to weep uncontrollably in public places with no control whatsoever to common etiquette. My grandmother passed away last week and I recently returned from her funeral. I didn't know her. The effort was never made to have a "relationship" by either side. I went out of respect for the family bond and my relationship with my father, who lost his mother. I was surprised by the amount of grieving I had to do. It came out of nowhere. It hit me like a lead balloon. The sadness was overwhelming and I cried and cried and was in awe of how affected I was by this death. I felt anxious for no good reason (except the grief) and over-medicated quite a bit. Added to that were the relations I was introduced to at the funeral. Some I am curious about, some I am avoiding and some I would like to pursue a further relationship with in another time and place. How does one go about contacting a (long lost) cousin and say, "I think you are cool and I think we could be friends"? My grandmother once met Eleanor Roosevelt. Why did I never know that? She was a work horse and I remember her teasing me and laughing a lot when I was little. I like that about my memory of her. I will cling to that. Rest in Peace Bertha Hirsch. Amen.

in transit

Do you ever think about being "in transit"? I recently had a conversation with someone about this topic. We sure are busy people. I know I have commitments most evenings after work and feel like I spend more time in transit than I want. Going from point A t0 B and back home again. We are also in transit spiritually. We are only on this planet a short time. It is so evident when a child is around. She grows so fast and I see that each moment is one to cherish as it is gone in a blink of an eye. In my head too always thinking about this and that and other things. Between work obligations, grad courses, Sophie's activities, scheduling all of the events, my head just spins. Fortunately, God understands in transit and has a plan for us. We will be home soon, Jesus. I figure it is better to have "IN TRANSIT" posted on my backside than "WIDE LOAD"!

Jesus Shaves

A wonderful new cd (at least new to me) from the group the Roches. The CD is titled Moonswept. Two songs really caught my attention from the beginning

1. No Shoes, a witty song about how we are never satisfied with what we have. Lyric includes:

I had no shoes and I complained until I met a man who had no feet,
that's really beat.

I had no feet and I complained until I met a man who had no knees,
that's his disease.


It goes on like this for 4:11.

2. Jesus Shaves. A story about Jesus living the corporate american dream until he was laid off, (grows his beard back) and went to tech school to become a welder. The refrain goes like this:

Blessed are the ones who make peace;
Blessed are the ones who scrape by;
Blessed are the ones livin' holy lives;
and here's to those of us who try.


Wit and wisdom if I ever heard it!

snapping fingers, snapping toes

Every 3 or 4 days the big toes on my feet get tight and by bending them, they sort of snap. I feel better and my toes relax. This morning as I was laying in bed, snuggling with my 5 year old daughter, I snapped my toes. Sophie sat up and the first words she spoke were, "Did you clap?" I said no, that my toes snapped. Sophie started crying and said, "I can't even snap my fingers yet and you can snap your fingers AND toes."

A Poem

Having just endured a cold with a lot of yucky stuff, a friend told me this poem to make me smile. Here it is for you:

Last week you told us you had a heart attack
This week it was appendicitis
Why don't you do us all a favor
give your self layrngitis.