Grief

Grief looks a lot like depression. I have battled depression and the feelings of sadness, anxiety and the need to self medicate with donuts is uncomfortable at best. It is always a bit embarrassing to weep uncontrollably in public places with no control whatsoever to common etiquette. My grandmother passed away last week and I recently returned from her funeral. I didn't know her. The effort was never made to have a "relationship" by either side. I went out of respect for the family bond and my relationship with my father, who lost his mother. I was surprised by the amount of grieving I had to do. It came out of nowhere. It hit me like a lead balloon. The sadness was overwhelming and I cried and cried and was in awe of how affected I was by this death. I felt anxious for no good reason (except the grief) and over-medicated quite a bit. Added to that were the relations I was introduced to at the funeral. Some I am curious about, some I am avoiding and some I would like to pursue a further relationship with in another time and place. How does one go about contacting a (long lost) cousin and say, "I think you are cool and I think we could be friends"? My grandmother once met Eleanor Roosevelt. Why did I never know that? She was a work horse and I remember her teasing me and laughing a lot when I was little. I like that about my memory of her. I will cling to that. Rest in Peace Bertha Hirsch. Amen.